Being a parent is wonderful, no doubt. But there are situations that make us reach our limits. One of these typical situations: The big one is having a nervous breakdown because I won’t switch on the TV to let her see her favorite unicorn series. While I am trying to reason with her my little one decides she wants to serve herself some juice, completely draining herself, the floor, the table, the chair … I go into the kitchen to get the mop, and since I am rushing I knock against the cupboard and a glass falls down. More stuff to clean. I go get dry clothes for my daughter and have just left the room when I hear both of them screaming and arguing over one specific toy that has been forgotten for weeks but that both of them definitely need to play with right now … I assure you, once you start like this, one thing leads to the next and in the end I was close to losing it.
As a parent, we know these situations can occur from time to time. So when feeling stressed out, I had a look which techniques other people recommended to calm down exhausted Mums or simply manage stress. About many things I could just laugh. And don’t get me wrong, by no means I want to say those tips are ridiculous, but they just did not work for me, basically because most of them require some “alone time” meaning the kids are being taken care of by someone else, which for me is almost never the case.
5 things that work for some Mums with "Mum alone time"
- Have a warm bath: Oh sure, when the kids let you … it’s not so relaxing when the kids are outside the bathroom arguing and screaming. No matter if Daddy is around or not, I am not able to disconnect when I can hear everything that is going on.
Get up before your kids to have some time for morning meditation: Ehm, well, not sure how to tell you that in almost every occasion, no matter at what time I get up, the kids will get up exactly at the same time. I imagine this will change once we grow out of the family bed.
Get a good night’s rest or a nap: I have spent the last 6 years without sleeping more than 4h in a
row, and most of the time it’s really just 1-2h a row, so although I try to spend at least the 8 recommended
hours in bed, this doesn’t mean I wake up fully rested. Same with the nap, once you have your second child you
will notice that while your youngest is napping, you will want to give the elder one some time of full attention and do something fun together.Watch a funny movie or read a good book: Well, basically the same as before, I often go to bed almost at the same time as my kids, so there isn’t really much time for watching movies or the like …
Night out with partner or friends: For the ones that don’t have the grandparents etc near, this means hiring a babysitter, which doubles the expenses, and in some occasions they might call you because your kids just won’t stop crying because Mummy is not there.
And so on. Plus, COVID-19 makes many suggestions impossible or very complicated.
So I decided to put together some simple things that DO work for me and might help you as well.
5 tips how to calm down for exhausted Mums
- Breathe: Yes, as simple as that. There are lots of great breathing techniques our there, you can find some of them here. Conscious breathing helps us calm our body and mind, and we can invite our kids to practice this with us. Try to concentrate also on your body – do you have clenched hands or teeth? Try to relax those and you will note the difference.
Yoga with kids: A great way to connect with your kids and calm down both them and yourself. There are plenty of great videos in youtube that help you get started, for example “animal” yoga exercises like the cat, the dog or the snake. This is both fun for you and the children, and at the same time you do some workout or at least relax those tense muscles.
Go outside: Again something you can include your kids in. When you are going crazy inside, it often helps to go outside, change scenes, breathe some fresh air and do some exercise. If you get the opportunity, have a walk in nature away from other people. If possible near a lake, river or the sea as the sound of water helps us relax.
Listen to music: This doesn’t take away your attention from your kids, but listening to music you love (depending on your mood some Zen relaxation music, classical music, sing-along pop…) improves your mood and helps you get into a more positive spirit. If you feel like it, you can also start dancing around.
CAPS moodoo: These plant-based caps improve mental resilience and provide greater serenity. An extract of ashwagandha root promotes physical and mental relaxation processes and helps you to find peace. For me, especially when I have had a tough work day or a sleepless night and know I am more vulnerable to losing my patience, this is a great and natural way to prevent a major crisis. You can find them here.
Find out what helps YOU in which situation
Of course, not every technique can be used in every occasion. You won’t start doing yoga in a shopping mall or dance when you are in a crowded train. But I still hope I was able to give you some ideas and at least make you think about what might help you relax when you are handling stressful situations. It is so important that we protect ourselves, as otherwise we will not be able to continue being the loving, caring Mummy we wish to be.
In general, doing something for yourself from time to time will make you more resilient. Check out my post about how to find some time for yourself, for example by combining your kids’ activities with your own ones. Sometimes, it is also our own expectations that overwhelm us. Accept that you don’t need to be perfect.
What are your best practices for calming down when you are close to losing your temper? I would love to hear them!
