For most of us, working women are completely normal – A large part of today’s generation doesn’t know any different. But did you know that in Germany until 1958 it was not the woman herself but her husband who decided whether she was allowed to work? And that until 1977 a woman in West Germany was only allowed to work if it was “compatible with her duties in marriage and family”?
In Spain, it was not until 1978 that the constitution banned discrimination due to gender, which led to a significant increase in the number of working women.
So it was actually not so long ago that women started to join the workforce. For a long time, it was also mainly young unmarried women who entered the labour market, only to take care of the household and family exclusively once they got married. In many countries this is still the case today, even school attendance is not a matter of course everywhere in the world – not for boys and even less so for girls. So first of all, we should be aware of our privileged situation.
A long way to go
We have come a long way, but there is still soooo much to do. There are still far too many jobs where it is considered normal that women have to listen to snide comments, are disadvantaged when filling positions or receive a lower salary for the same work.
In Germany in 2019, of the total working population, 46% were women and 54% men – despite the fact that women make up more than 50% of the population. Leadership positions were filled by men to more than 70%.
Still, nowadays, the majority of women in working age have a job: In 2018, 76% of women aged 20-64 in Germany were in employment, ranking third in the EU after Sweden and Lithuania. Spain, on the other hand, was among the last ranks with 61% of women in employment aged 20-64 in 2018.
But what job types do women typically work in? Career choices have remained largely unchanged since the 1990s. Most women choose education, medicine, wellness, law, cleaning or retail or sales, while men still lead the way in technical professions. Is this a problem? Surely everyone can choose the profession they want? A problem arises when there is a shortage of skilled workers and when career choices are made because of (fear of) discrimination. Likewise, this distribution contributes to the gender gap, as the professions traditionally chosen by women are often lower paid and/or offer fewer opportunities for career advancement.
But why should women – and especially mothers – even bother to find a job?
Benefits of being a working Mum
Being a working Mum is challenging, no doubt. But there are also benefits.
Ever heard about the old-age poverty? Yep, that’s what happens to the people that receive only a little pension and are therefore below the poverty line – be it because they haven’t worked for money (or only little so) during their life, or because their income was so low they actually can hardly live from the small pension they receive. The number of people living in poverty once they grow older is bound to increase, giving the disparity between low birth rates, the decreasing number of people contributing to the pension schemes and an increasing life expectancy. There are plenty of articles around this phenomenon, often affecting women that took several years off or even dropped out of the job market completely to take care of the children. Obviously, the decision how long you stay at home is a personal one. The thing is that nowadays in many cases it is not enough to have just one income per family, meaning that it will be even less possible to live off just one shared pension when you grow old. Something to keep in mind.
Apart from the financial piece, obviously, many women don’t want to give up their career. Many have studied and want to get back to work at some point. Plus, let’s admit it, getting out of the house for some hours to talk about something else than diapers and education and getting some recognition for our work is really refreshing.
But how are working mothers perceived in the job market? There are people that see working Mums rather as a burden than a benefit. Let’s take a look at some examples.
The annoying and demanding working Mums
Let’s be honest: Before having kids myself, there were lots of things I could not understand. Why my team members would send me a message at 3am to tell me their kid was having fever and they would not be able to join the meeting the next morning, why C’s son was having an ear infection again and again (well, back then I was naive enough to think that kids would not be sick ALL the time) meaning she had to take him to the doctor again during work hours or why they would not want to participate in team activities in the late afternoon. I did not quite get why they would need to work from home when their kid was sick, because back then I did not think about the fact that when your child gets sick in the middle of the night and you start work at 7:30 or 8am, chances are you will not be able to arrange for a babysitter on time. When the colleagues were talking about potty training, sleepless nights or the best way to deal with temper tantrums during work breaks, although this was often entertaining, I kind of felt in the wrong place and was wondering how people can give that much importance to such topics.
Things have changed for me since then. A lot.
- The kid is refusing to get dressed in the morning and you arrive late at work? I’ve been there.
- Need to pick him/her up from school because someone in the class has been tested positive in COVID, meaning you kid will need to stay home for the next 2 weeks while you desperately try to get things done for work at the same time? Yep.
- Missed Christmas parties, team dinners etc because the little one refuses to go to sleep without Mum? That’s me.
- Being one of the very first (among the other Mums in the team, of course) to enter the vacation plan? Of course, because it takes us hours or even days to work out a plan between my husband and myself how we cover the kid’s vacation days. (To be honest, the kids more than double the vacation days both their Dad and myself have together, even if we don’t spend any “family” days together the 4 of us. Don’t get me wrong, kids need vacation, but really, is there anybody other than teacher parents that is able to cover all those days without grandparents?).
Oh, you are leaving already ...
So although I get that people without kids might not fully understand the effort, restrictions and challenges that working parents have, what I find most astonishing is that even some PARENTS tend to forget what it is like to be a parent of a small child. I remember a colleague who – when I shortly dropped by the office with my maybe 6 month old child to discuss some details regarding my maternity leave – asked me, whether I was enjoying my “vacation”. It took me a bit of time to outlay to him that taking care of a 3.5 year old in the full age of temper tantrums and a six month old that wanted to be in arms all day long while trying to cook, keeping the house more or less clean, struggling with sleepless nights and trying not to get a nervous breakdown is not really something I would describe as vacation. The funniest thing is that this person has children himself (already grown up), so I guess either he has already forgotten what it is like to have small children, or still belongs to the generation where the fathers simply “hide” at work the maximum time they can and just reach home to have a late dinner when the kids are in bed.
Or you get those comments like: “Oh, you are leaving already. I wish I’d be able to do so as well…Enjoy your free afternoon!”. Yeah … well … see: working part-time actually means having less money on the bank account as well. So think twice before “wishing” for this. Plus, it’s not a “free” afternoon where I would meet with friends in a coffee shop to chat or sit on the couch and read a good book or go to the gym. It’s rather about running from daycare to school to pick up both kids, listening to my kids’ complaints why I have not brought them chocolate cookies for an afternoon snack instead of fruit or because I do not want them to watch TV, taking them to the doctor or sitting around in the same park again and again… Don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoy being with my kids but it has nothing to do with the “free time” or “me time” the colleagues often think it is. By the way, if you feel you have no free time at all for yourself, have a look at this post on how you might be able to organize yourself better and make the most of your time.
Working Mums during the pandemic
With the pandemic, things have not become easier for working parents. Apart from our job (the one we are actually being paid for) we need to take care of the kids when they cannot attend school, which is especially challenging when they are small. You can be sure that although you try to think of EVERYTHING they might possibly need while you need to attend a 30 mins virtual meeting without interruption (preparing them some fruit and snacks, a glass of juice, their favorite toys, asking them if they need to go to the bathroom, in some cases setting them up in front of the TV…), you can be quite sure that some minutes into your call somebody has knocked over the glass spilling the juice on the floor, is having dirty pampers that urgently need a change, siblings are arguing over the exact same ball (why take one of the other 5 balls when you can argue over the EXACT SAME ball the sister is playing with), someone is listening on full volume to ACDC next to you or you hear the pet squeaking and need to run and ensure they are not turning it upside down again to count its claws. So no, I ensure you, working with kids at home is not much fun, and although you try and concentrate as hard as you possibly can, there might be days where this is really challenging.
But there are also the good parts, at least for the ones that are fortunate enough to work from home: Less stress in the mornings when you don’t have to bring your kids to daycare and are able to work from home, more time in family when having lunch together, and you are more flexible as well, maybe able to attend a call in the afternoon since you don’t have to leave to pick up the kids.
Also, the pandemic has kind of “normalized” the situation that people work at home with kids being in the background. Before, this was more of an exception, now this has become part of the “new normal”, and I appreciate this. After all, boundaries between work and family life become more and more blurred, so it is just fair to accept that kids are part of some employee’s life.
The other side of the coin: The committed working Mum
On the other hand, I have to say Mums are so committed. Have been awake all night, carrying the child through the flat because it is sick? We will still show up at work (as long as we are able to organize a childminder on time, of course) and give our very best. Arrive late or have to leave early to pick up the kid? We will still ensure to get the job done and if needed compensate the lost time as soon as possible. Working Mums are often known to be very well organized and very concentrated on their work. While others have a coffee here and an extended lunch there, Mums are very conscious of their time. We simply know that staying longer is not an option because we have to pick up the kids, so whatever we have to get done, we will manage to do it. Sometimes, this results in very pragmatic solutions. Are you still looking for ways how to become more productive? Check out this post.
Yes, I admit, sometimes it might be annoying that Mums are not available in the late afternoon, but hey, on the other hand you could also say it is annoying that other team members are not in the office at 8am for a meeting. Mums ask for the flexibility they need not in order to abuse but in order to make their day work. If one day they are less productive because they have the sick child next to them in the homeoffice, be assured they will make up for it at the next opportunity. Are there black sheep? For sure. But the vast majority I know are excellent workers and team players and really an enrichment for the team and the company.
Your contribution
After all, I think we can be very proud of the working Mums. Whether you are self-employed or not, working part or full time, I believe it is important to have this “professional” time in balance to the family time.
Let us be role models for our children. Show your children how it can work to have a career and a family without feeling guilty all the time. Encourage your children to dream and choose a career according to their interests and strengths, regardless of stereotypes. And: If you or others are being discriminated against, don’t just walk away, address it. It is high time people are respected regardless of their skin color, gender, religion, whom they love etc.
It is so important to have more female decision makers in order to achieve a fairer world. So go for it. Contribute your part. 🙂
