There are lots of parents – especially Mums – who are asking themselves whether they should bring up the topic of kids in a job interview. We are often told that mentioning our kids in a job interview might scare the employer away. Not mentioning them, however, is not the best option either: Sooner or later you will need to work from home or leave work early to pick up your kid from school because it is sick, or you will not be able to stay late to finish a project because you need to prepare dinner – so unless you have an absolutely safe backup plan for every possible situation, why not being open about your children in the first place?
Not telling the truth makes us nervous
As a parent you will likely feel awkward if you are not touching the topic and you will constantly be waiting to get “caught” hiding something. Also, not being open and honest in the first place might be worse than just putting the topic on the table.
Experts have different opinions about the ideal moment. Some recommend to mention children already when sending the application letter, others say it is better to wait until the job interview when you have already taken the first barrier and have the opportunity to convince the recruiter in person that having children will not affect your performance. I am actually in favor of the first approach. Let me tell you a story so you understand why:
I was once applying for a job, with my second child just being about some months old, and it looked like the perfect opportunity. It was a great company, there were good vibes with my counterparts and the job interview went really smooth – in fact it went that smooth that I simply forgot – o decided not to – talk about my kids and ask whether there existed the possibility to work part-time.
Set the right expectations from the beginning
So when we had finished the interview I started feeling really nervous. All of a sudden, as the possibility of getting the job became real, I felt I did not want to leave my kid for the whole day as she was still so small. However, I had missed the opportunity to talk about part-time or homeoffice with the company, and although I was not obliged to talk about my family situation I was now in trouble because I had not raised the topic in the first place and felt I had not been honest with my counterparts. So what should I do?
In the end I decided to get in touch with the HR Manager – one of the people that had interviewed me – and tell her about my doubts before the second official interview took place. Although she showed great understanding for my situation, in the end I did not get into the next round – not because I had kids and wanted to work part-time, but rather because I had not been honest from the beginning. Which is – as we probably all agree – not the ideal way to start a new relationship – be it a personal or professional one. We had a good talk, though, and she advised me for any future applications to be open and set the right expectations right from the start in order to avoid any deceptions or misunderstandings.
I have to say that this was probably one of the best advices I have ever received regarding applications. I now have my parental leaves clearly marked in my CV, and I mention already in my cover letter the fact that I would like to work part-time. This way the company is aware of my personal circumstances from the very beginning, there are no surprises, and I avoid to “forget” again or not find the right moment to bring up the topic in the interview. I can only recommend everyone to do the same. I have had several interviews since then, so it does not seem to scare employers away at all.
Keep it short and sweet
Now, having said that doesn’t mean that you should be too bold, explain in detail all the things you will NOT be able to do because of your family circumstances, nor does it involve showing pictures of your kids or starting a “parent talk” just because the recruiter just mentioned during the interview that he/she has kids as well.
Instead, think in which ways your children might possibly affect your work day and get to the point so the recruiter understands why you brought the topic up in the first place. For example, if the position requires you attending some occasional after-hour or weekend meetings, ask how often this would be the case as you would need to plan for those at home beforehand. If you need to bring your kids to school and start working later than the rest of the team, ask if the recruiter sees any issue in doing so.
You can also use the occasion to ensure your counterpart that the childcare is well organized. This will take them the fear of you being unavailable more often than they would like. Keep in mind: It is great if you connect with the interviewer but ensure to keep this topic on a professional level. Also, be prepared to compromise. Maybe a reduction of working hours is not possible but you might be able to work a certain number of hours from home. Or the schedule you had in mind will not work for the company and you might need to make additional arrangements for daycare. The recruiter should not get the impression that you are not willing to make any concessions on your side.
Still doubts?
Definitely, whether or not to mention the kids in the job interview or other parts in the application process depends very much on the personal circumstances. However, as outlined above, I would highly recommend to do so in order to avoid any surprises or awkward situations in the future.
In the end, we are all humans and being a mother or father should not be a problem to any employer. And if it is, you should ask yourself the question whether you really want to work for that company and/or Manager anyway. Good luck!
If you are not happy in your current role but have not found the right job yet, I recommend you to read through my post How to stay positive if you’re not in the right job – It’s all about attitude.
